Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Eh, okay senang ah ! Nie mciam , aku da naek malas tau , nak pergi tengok korang spam-spam tagboard aku nan dia. Kalau korang semua fikir nak spam, puas hati , korang pergi bungkus kata-kata korang ! tak da gunanya, faham tak ? I swear to the ass, i don't need your compliments . Sumpah sak ! Korang irritating tau ! Aku dari dulu , diam - diam . korang mciam siak ! Eh, kalau kita nak berubah atau pon tidak , itu hak kita pe, ada menyusahkan korang pe ? Tak da kan, saket mata, pasal aku nan dia, eh , Nie semua tak penting ah ! Kau mciam takda life je. Kau tak suka dia/ aku , kau nampak red button pat right tuh , kau pergi tekan , aku pon tak perlu ah , orang mciam kau nak view blogpost kita ! Sumpah , aku kata nie. Takda gunanya. Eh, kau kata ape ? English dia cockup ? Pala buto ! Dia tak payah dihantar balek skolah ah ! aku pon mampu ajar dia. English is so damn SIMPLE. budoh ! MKPL! Eh anjing , You dont even have to courage to eventually put your fucking link or even name. Eh, simple punya bobal ah , kalau kau anak laki kan , kau takmu perangai anjing ah . Menyusahkan orang , pergi potong kau peh buah ! Tak payah gantung kan lagi ah ! Takda guna! Kau punya suka-suka je , caci maki dia, kau pikir ape ? Dia ape ? Dia punya suka ah , sundal! Nak berubah atau pon tidak , aku pon nak berubah ke tidak , itu hidup aku ! Mak bapak , aku sendiri tak da nak tanya2 aku. Eh, masing2 ada kubur sendiri kan , aku peh . aku sendiri yang jawab ah ! Kau pergi bungkus kau punya kata-kata. Tak perlu ah , PKMK. sumpah ! i've not been having moods to update my blog. I've been thinking how to eventually cope with my life. err, life now is like nothing to me. My heart breaks alot with my family and surrounding. now, i'm not chasing after anyone, as i'm searching for my own happiness. God knows, how it gonna turn out & i'm ready to face it. i'm going back to school before anything happen. i wanted to complete my qualifications. oh, yea. I've read his blogpost. i need time, now to be alone. I dont wish to be close to anyone but i'm having one pillar for me to lean on. I cried the whole night thinking, whats gonna happen next when i woke up from the bed. i had enough of crying, no point of crying still the end up, i'm at the losing point. Maybe, he can see the changes in me now, that I'm avoiding him too. It seems difficuilt for me, cause i'm still broken hearted right here. Sampai bila cinta kita begini ? `let me tell you, not everyone gonna understand, how i feel. You may see it by the outlooks of mine, but deep down from the bottom of my heart ? Noone do, not even you. Frankly, i'm having confusion now. I maybe so sweet in the previous chapter of our life, but i know, you dont feel happiness with me, am i right? I'm not suitable to be in your life, thats what you mean. in my dreams, i saw you walking by me, and i walked away, searching for happiness, eventhough my heart really hurts, i still love you, i cant deny that and it wasnt simple as ABC/123 to get rid of this feelings. I miss my mom, i miss my room, i miss the old me. I miss all those times, i shared with everyone surrounding me, but there wouldnt be any more cause everything shattered. I'm really am painful here. I know, i am a troublemaker, that's what you've said, even my family said so. I dont know, what will happen to me, when I come back home, I dont know, what things might look like. But, one day, sooner or later, i still come back home. i NEVER leave my mom alone on her birthday before, i know, she really pains down with my reactions, i wish her all the best, i cried on her birthday thinking why must i do this sort of stuffs to her? I cause, alot of trouble to her. Now, i'm doing nothing but i've planned my life ahead and i will make it turn out reality. Your family, may hate me, but what can i do? I cant do much. I cant force them, to love me, nor to be by their side, asking for simpity, wouldnt bring anything. & to your friends, i know, he wouldnt leave you girls, it was only just for awhile but now, it doesnt matter for me. But like this one quote saying " once silence occur, it may say that you've started to hacked care, cause you have enough of getting hurt." i cant change that, i know. I need to make things went right for myself. If he can have the happiness, with his friends, why cant i ? Am i right ? Yup, that's absolutely true that, i'm not ready to meet him, cause I dont want things to become worst between us. It was so pointless. I had enough of quarrellings, i had enough of hatred. Its up to you people, to hate me, cause I cant stop that from happening. This is part & parcel of life. & whatever used to happened, it does matter to me, cause once i'm hurt, its hard for my heart to be mend. And this is the outcome. I know, running from problems, wouldnt solve anything, but I need time to be alone, as i know, i'm weak enough now. I got to be prepare& strong till then, I'm ready to face everyone surrounding me. Still, at the end of the day, the choices i've gonna decide, will be my final decision & things, gonna be smooth and happiness is what i'm gonna get ;) Sunday, August 29, 2010 My love is like the sun that warms me when I am cold,
And like the cool water of the brook that refreshes me.
My love knows the secret pleasures of my soul,
And delights with me in fulfilling them.
Who is my love but the soul of my soul,
And the reason for every beat of my heart.
Who fills me with life in the joy of her presence,
And returns to me more than I have given.
Come to me, my love, I die without you.
Each day is eternity, waiting for your touch.
Remove the tears from my eyes and the ache in my heart,
Be closer than my breath, all my days, all my nights.
Even if it takes forever to see What happiness really means to me
I understand love will always be
in perfect harmony
between you and me
One day you will come to know
that no matter how far you may go
the joys and sorrows that we share
are just like the touch of your hair
which is full of tender care
Yet I can only say
this love for you will never decay
I love you every single day
and in every sinle way
And it pains me to see you fading away.
Friday, August 27, 2010 putting down the phone which ends up hurting myself. [puffing] & tuning on to doa buatmu. If, we were like this sweet couple, wouldnt that be great? Will it happen? Haishh. I wish you would understand, that deep down, it really pains me down. I swear. what should i do? We only communicate through blogpost, which where we let out what we feel. Even though we fight a lot, I love you. We fight, I think, because the stakes are high. I sometimes get so mad I cannot stand you,But underneath my anger I could cry. I have an uncontrolled need to control you, To be your only destiny and guide. I know it isn't fair to try to mold you, But my poor love's entangled in my pride. Ah, love! Please love me even in my fury, Which rises like a tide beneath the moon. I plead before my only judge and jury: I want to change, but know change won't come soon. Love finds it hard to let the loved one be The person who is loved so passionately. This is what i feel. I hope you understand. All happens for a reason. `raining heavily now, means ? Dedicated this you :') No one knows, not even you. How i feel. I am a girl , You are the guy. Let see, what's gonna happen. God knows, that I love you too much. Who say , I dont miss you ? Thursday, August 26, 2010 Hello, im currently waiting for Kakak Farah to eventually command me, what to do at this hour ever since, we both planned to clean up her house as i felt it was full of messed. Hmms! So, with my kind hearted, i wanted to volunteer myself to eventually tidy it. Today, i went out to Makni's Shop and helped her out at her shop. It was so damn fun! Like seriously, I felt that I have something to do. I kept staring at the phone, waiting for his text messages/ phonecalls instead he dont bother. So what can i say? Am i right ? And, all im doing now, was just stay calm. I had enough of conquering his life, which I felt he wouldnt be able to listen to me. So, what more can I say ? i've read his blog. He given me the last chances, and I have to treasure it, what can i do ? I felt, silence is the best way. Who said, i didnt miss him ? Who said, I dont care? Who said, My love for him isnt there nimore ? I still do have those feelings. Eventhough, sometimes, I dont wish to think about him, but I still do. What, i do now, was I've planned up myself to eventually busy with my schooling. And now, i'm at a new environment. I got to be strong, to change my lifestyle. To bring up, myself. God, knows very well. I'm giving up, that doesnt mean, I'm weak but i'm strong to let it go. I wanted things to turn out right, but i failed so what can i do ? I left with no choice. I avoid everyone, and i felt that i'm overcoming stuffs now. Thanks to Kakak Farah ;) I wanted to dedicate a song for him. Tuesday, August 24, 2010 Hi, dearest to A D E Q K S A N A H S A N ; I've read your post earlier on. check in : 2:30am. I had so much to share and express my feelings towards you. I know, it can never be easy as simple as A B C , or even 1 2 3 . I went through alot with you and it can never be easy to end this up just a snap. Yup, You miss those moments when you & me leading to a happy life, who dont ? Am i right ? I also miss those moments too. Things had been jolly hard for both of us, nowadays as we're getting engaged soon with much more obstacles been given by GOD. Sometimes, we failed to even accept/ go through what we got to face, but at the end of the day, if we're strong enough , things would be settled. It was just how the way we both handle things, and you taught me to be strong, I'm doing my best, but it pains me down, whenever you wish to put a fullstop to it. Every chapter had it owns way, but if we both willing to sacrifice and be strong, there will always a way, for everything. I bet you should know, i love you too. It can never be easy for me, to say that to any other guys. You ought to believe in that. I was totally sincere in loving you eventhough it takes me, thousands of miles to reach to you. You may thought, all this is just obstacles, but im telling you the facts. REALITY How on earth, you should jolly know, that deep down, my heart is just meant for you. I sacrifices stuffs, but you are blinded to it. Isnt that showing, how much i love you? I gave you, all you ever wanted, but lack of communications, i lied to you, to say that i dont need you. You told me, to eventually make it a silent mode to our conflicts/problems/misunderstanding, and yes, i did. I learnt all this from you. Tears rolled down, each moment, you said you wanted to leave. Yes, i couldnt accept that word. I wish you would stop saying the "B" word. That's all i ever wanted. I miss those times, you hugged me, kissed me and look after me whenever, i was in my dreamland. I miss the times, whenever you say, "iloveyou"randomly. I miss those times, you cooked for me breakfast and waited for me to wakeup when actually it was my job to do that. I love it for every morning, you look at me, and i purposely close my eyes. I miss all those. I always stared at my phone to wait for your phonecalls/messages. I wanted you to cheer me up. Even if it was just a meesage i received from you saying, "Syg ! I love you. "eventhough you're doing it randomly, but i love it so much. I like it. God knows , how truly you are meant for me, you are the whole wide world to me. You earn my heart, you hold on to it dear. Sayang, i love you. I need you. I hope, we both could eventually, be the sweetest couples that no one can do. I hope you would understand how i feel. Monday, August 23, 2010 hi, i'm updating this post specially for : A D E Q K S A N A H S A N . today morning , i made you pissed off really hard over me. I know, i've been over - reacted with my protective attitude. All i wanted from you was just sincerity . I couldnt help it , to control this . I know, that i'm not being proffessional and i realised that i eventually know how to advise others whenever they are in doubt, but when it comes to my own problems, I took it very hard to control my egoistic attitude. I 've made a mistake , a very slightly big impact in me and you. I wanted things to turn out right. I wanted we both to lead a happy life. I need a brand new leaf for us both. I wanted to treasure you. To be honest, i never ever realised that you do love me , and it was hard to let other girls to replaced me. You became hyprocites due to my actions and I became so damn heartbroken due to your harsh words. We've been quarrelling most of times over small issue and drag it into a big issue. Somehow, sometimes, i felt that things that we both took was so over- granted. I don't wish to replace you with other guys , and i know no one can play better than you. We've been competing in this relationship but end-ed up at the losing point. I'm just too afraid of losing you. Maybe, the girls intended to just having a normal conversation but the way they brought it up , was over my expectation. Since, you post stating that you're not gonna be the past of yours, it does cold me down. I'm too afraid cause the nightmare you brought me in during our histories . I dont wish to be used again by you, i dont wish to lead a life, and being labelled as "used" . I'm not what you think , i am. I wanted changes in me, i swear. I dont want my past to be brought up here. I cant jolly accept what you told me during our MSN conversation. I was too hurt but I took it as it was just a chaotic moment during our quarrellings. You know, I miss you whenever you're away. I always wanted you to be here, right beside me. You almost leave me, most of the times when we had some conflicts. I never love to bring up the word " Break " cause, I know " Break" , isnt a playing matter in relationship. I love you so much deep down, until i'm too afraid of losing you. You had enough , i do had enough of quarrellings too but silence is not gonna be the best thing ever. Your love faded most of times, whenever i'm not with you, but you're the one who told me to stay home and earn mummy's heart. I did my best too. I respected your decision. nobody wants to ruin their lover's life. if they do, i guess they 're insane. I swear ~ everyone wants to play the best game but no one wants to lose the game. i'm doing my best to stand strong , with all the courage i got here. eventhough , it does hurts me deep down. Maybe, we both must not lead a miscommunication in our relationship. God knows, how much you mean to me. ` aku menyintaimu , aku jugak yang menyakitimu . Maafkan aku , Hi, i'm still awake and i'm chatting with someone who used to be my close bestest friend. She's feeling down. And, i wanted to post this to her. `NaniiBabyAstra' } I know, how it hurts you deep down inside. It really pains you down, and i understand that as I've been through that situation. I know, you wanted to change into someone better. Till when , you wanted to move on with different sorts of guys, am i right ? I know, you've been shedding tears, for this past few days. I've been through much more than you, and yknow, this is the first obstacles that you got to go through in your relationship . There's long way to go, for you to go through. It can never be easy for you. All you have to do, was to endure all this, if you really love him. i lied if i said, there isnt any conflicts, misunderstanding, jeolousy, unappreciated stuffs happening in relationship. There would be, i'm sure you're strong to face it. Love, how about you try sitting down, afterwards, and ask him, what he wants & try to solve it. I'm sure you can ;D You just have to be strong and calm. I bet you know, Silence is the best way. Sometimes, guys dont like we girls sharing personal relationship stuffs with others like i used to do. But when you didnt talk to anyone, i bet you can reflect back , and see how things goes. This is what , A D E Q K S A N A H S A N , taught me and I agreed with it . You just have to stay strong , calm , and make it a silence mode , eventhough it does pains you down. Trust me, its only for a moment dear. Cheer up . You may cry , no one will stop you , if you feel it gonna lessen you heartbroken okok ? :) hello, i've been rotting at home doing nothing much. heard that , both the siblings are getting along well and I really am, okay with it. I know, its gon'na be hard for me. No one, can separate them. Even how egoistic they could be, but still they are blood brothers. I'm waiting for Mummy to come back home. Aww, i'm starving ~ Haishhh ! Mummy buying for me, Kway Teow Cockles. That's what I wanted. & there's someone coming here tonight. Hmms ! i Dont understand mummy. Like seriously, Oh damn, i miss love. Yknow, sometimes i felt this is all experience that i have to learn in relationship. Yes, it hurts, but in the future atleast, I know what will happen. Am i right ? God, knows well. Whatever happen, I got to be strong. What I needed most was to love and to be loved, eager to be caught. Happily I wrapped those painful bonds around me; and sure enough, I would be lashed with the red-hot pokers or jealousy, by suspicions and fear, by burst of anger and quarrels. i've learnt some part of the meaning of love. Like seriously , hmm. Everyone says love hurts, but that isn't true. Loneliness hurts. Rejection hurts. Losing someone hurts. Envy hurts. Everyone gets these things confused with love, but in reality love is the only thing in this world that covers up all pain and makes someone feel wonderful again. Love is the only thing in this world that does not hurt. I'm learning it , slowly . I hope , i get it right ;D Sunday, August 22, 2010 hi, i'm still awake : 3:54am. i couldnt resist how much longer, i can just hold on to this relationship eventhough, it hurts me deep down. I swallow every single obstacles that had been given. What more, do you people expect from me ? How many more problems you wish to add on to me ? I know, you would do anything in order to separate us both. & you people, hate it when I was with him. He changed , Yes he did it all because of { ? } Only, he have the reasons to all the things that's happening now. Siblings, quarrelling over things that wasnt supposed to be their problems ? Come' on, be more matured. For goodness sake. Get the story right, and be proffesional. End up, each party get mad. Followed by, leaving, and brought back the stories about the past, they did helped out eachother. which wasnt supposed to turn out that way. Dont you feel ashamed of that ? Have you give any second thoughts ? Whatever happen, both of you are blood brothers. Think through. I hate it when you said that towards your brother. Still, he is your elder brother. You got to respect him, as one. And i'm sure, he loves you deep down. I hope, things would end sooner. it will end up no where if you continue this way. Like seriously. & to you; as long as I could hold on, just dream on getting me separated. I love your brother so much, & its gonna be hard for me to let go. As far as I could , i would just grab and stay. {<3} AdeqkSanahsan. His holding on, to the key of my heart . Hi , its been two days since I didnt update my blog. Hmms! I've been away to Love's crib. The night before, I went out to meet him at Geylang tagged along with Ndee&Keesha :) Afterall, I went for some shopping & savour-ing ! Wowwww. I had planned to cancelled the Bridal's shop and intended to just buy one of this Baju tunang of mine. Keesha said, it was nice. So yea, we just have to pay $ 48 . It was so nice & cheap. I fall in love with it :) Love brought me, one Makeup set cost $28. Wow! I'm loving it :) Teheeeee* I'm preparing for my engagement stuffs soon. Love wanted to borrow Keesha&Ndee, as well as I do. I need their help. So yea, I've been wondering will it turn out right on my big day ? Hopefully , yes . It will :) Insyallah ! Amin* Things had become much more chaos, I didnt expect things to turn out this manner. Yes, my heart hurts. It does pains me down, but what should i do ? Hmms. I cant say much. all i could do , was to keep myself shut. Let things went on , Silently . Thursday, August 19, 2010 Hi, i'm still awake : 8:12am. I couldnt close my eyes whereby actually its raining heavily. Should be snoring, but i just couldnt. My mind, thinking of you. i know, we'll be meeting at 745pm later on, But i wanted things to turn out right, i dont wish to see both of us quarrelling. Hmms, oh. Just now, i went to this website " Love rephrase" & i discovered something that love used to do when he wanted to go back hostel, he would eventually kissed my neck. The meaning to it was : I wanted you, now. That moment, I couldnt forget to many memories that I had with him, no quarrellings, just breaking down. Missing&wishing for his return. I wish god make him realized one day, may it not be from me, but from someone, who really knows what I've been doing while he was away. He taught me, to be silence rather to be said cause, even millions times, I told him, He wouldnt believe me. No trust towards me, its okeh. Hopefully, he would know, how special he was to me, that makes me sincerely waited for him. i had this feeling, which no one knows deep down in my heart. I kept it & never wish to let it go, But as time goes by, I feels that it was like killing me , So this is what, I wanted to say. The worst feeling isn't being lonely. It's being forgotten by someone i would never forget. I wish things would be different. I wish he would be sincere & honest with me, starting from today. Please, dear. Start a new life, I dont wish Lies in our relationship. Okeh, later I got to meet up Love at his place. So, yea. Good mornight ! :DD Update soon * If he doesn't love you at your worst, he doesn't deserve you at your best. Time check in at : 4:38pm. I'm not in a mood right now. i'm looking for my Samsung charger. where the hell is it -.- I misplaced it . & my phone was switch off . hmms ! pathetic -.- BATEEEEERRRRYYYYYY MAMPUSSSSS ! ): hmms! Its okok, will wait for that "someone" to bring for me. Yesterday, i close my eyes , and it reminded me of "someone" . Hmms. His image, is playing around me. Maybe, i miss him too much :DDDD Its been a few days, since I last met him. I hope, he would feel the same too :DD I'm doing nothing much. I'm not fasting cause i'm currently on medication :D heeeeee* But i wanted to fast , Mummy doesnt allowed -.- Pathetic right ? Haishhh ! Awww, I miss Kakak Dayah . we both thought of going buka puasa together :DDDD But see how it goes. SOOOOOOON okok ? :DDDDDD Wednesday, August 18, 2010 ` eheeeeeem, eheeeeem! :DDDDDD Baby da tak down with fever anymore :') Atlast, I'm doing fine now. [ Alhamdulillah ; Amin ♥ ] I ada Handphone baru ^^ Happyyyyyy tau ! teheeeeee* Hmms. Ive not been talking long hours with Love, like we used to every night. Haishhh! Takpetakpe, its okok :D I'm tuning to Dia- chomel. Oh damn, i'm addicted to this song. Tears rolled down my cheeks. Reflecting back, the histories I had with Love. Think through, quarrelling is damn hurtful but pointless. I wanted things to turn out right , like we used too. I've learnt the hardship in love and how I did my best to manage it. And, I've learnt to be patience, and there's alot of obstacles that I've to go through and I should be strong. Everytime, I laid down at my bed, I would always hold on tight hugging to his pillow. And I will look at this two frames consists of our photos. Now, and Before. I miss those times, Like seriously. I wish I could turn back the time, and make things right. Why must people having red eyes on us ? What do we do ? I know, he felt stressup and I know, he got no other solution. In the other hands, his not willing to let me go, cause the reason, " He cant live without me ". I also dont wish to let him go. I deliberately in love with him. Never in my mind, thought of leaving you. I couldnt take that step ahead. I never wish to lie on to this relationship. I wanted things to turn out right , I want to see You and Me , had this happy ending and we leave all the Past behind us. I wanted us, to move on , Just be happy living with eachother like other loving couples do. I know, i used to hurt you deep down, I know I used to insult you cause you're totally different from me, But, It doesnt mean that , I meant the words I said. Everytime, You quarrelled with me, Heartbroken! Your harsh words, pains me down )': and let me break into tears. I'm sorry for what I did in the past , I really want the both of us , to move on together and become one sweet couple. Problems, will always have the solutions. I wanted us to commit with eachother. Honesty is what I ever wanted . I wanted you to change. I wanted myself to change too. I wanted we both to start afresh ~ Everyone, keeps wondering why , we both was told to leave eachother but we both couldnt leave eachother. I dont understand , why . But it hurts me, for leaving you. Many , It took alot of sacrifices for me, to help you and give you the support to change into a better person. I'm sure you will. you used to told me once, You wanted to change, but You need me. I also wanted to change, I wanted you too. We both need eachother. To that one particular guy : I dont wish to receive anymore messages/ phone calls from you anymore. You are attached with {InsertName} and I'm getting engaged. Yes, Your thoughts had been appreciated by me, but still I couldnt hold on to this friendship. You've been calling/ texting me eventhough , I ignored you numerous time. How long , you wanna play this game ? What if that particular girl knows about this ? I've told Love, about you. I'm sick and tired. Stop putting yourself in my mind. I dont need you. As you know, yourself, I can never let go this love and I dont wish to see love&me tearing apart. To love: Things, wasnt going alright between us like we used too. We went through alot of sufferings/ burdens, heartbroken, painful & Miserable obstacles. I dont wish things would end in a short while. Yknow, how deep my love for you ? Yes, It hurts me, deep down whenever the harsh words you curse on me. Which , i feel like you're stabbing my heart with a knife. All i could do , was to cry. Have you ever care ? I guess, You do. But not by reactions. I miss those times, i miss the memories we had. I miss the moment, we used to laugh and never had any more conflicts. No more, hurtful . I miss those. Dont you ? I miss the happy life i had with you . Whenever, we quarrelled , I always thought in my mind, Is this gonna end soon ? I couldnt let it go. I wasnt ready. I still need you. I wanted you to stay with me. I was alone now, with no one communicating with me, like I used to do. Not even a friend close to me and you. That's what you want, So i follow what you wish. To you, I love you so much. ` oh tuhan , ku sayang dia. oh tuhan , ku rindu dia. Di mana kah hilangnya dirinya yang bernama cinta. Sungguh bukan perpisahan yang ku pinta. Di saat , ku disingkirkan oleh mu. Apa yang harus ku perkatakan , kini, ku telah dilupakan , Mungkin kah ini bisa membuat kau bahagia ? Dimana kah kesilapan diriku ? Cuba la, kau terang kan padaku , Kau senyum ku menangis. Kau gembira ku berduka. Mengapakah tiada akhirnya , dalam percintaan ? Sedangkan ku telah berjanji , setia menanti. Menemani, dirimu. Ku doa, kau selalu berbahagia.' This is what I feel. Love, i hope you would see reasons. How much You mean alot to me. |
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