♥

I just can't shut my eyes. I can't put myself in bed even I was so damn tired. I was totally hurt & been thinking all day long since yesterday. Haishh. Is this how things go'nna flow between us? You wanted everything to end yet you said, I've made that decision whereby, actually You're the one who wanted it to end. If, it was you who really wanted me to let you go, then I have too.
& i got to accept everything. You're making excuses over but yet, You're just creating it. You denied, You're hurt so do i. Egoistic, how long will it last? You're totally hurting me deep down. Today, was the result for me to tell who i wanted to be with & what I eventually feels but I know, it doesnt matters much on you.

I'm trapped in this love. As if, i was the one, who wanted all this. You told me, You're not strong enough, I don't think thats the real reason to this thing. I bet, you found someone new& yes, You did. You're just using me& it reavealed everything. It was shown clearly. You see, when You need me, You'll look for me & then, You abandoned me. Am i a toy for you ?
Hello, boy. I'm just like you, an human being. You're not sincere enough. You're just playing games with everything.

Yes, I was deliberately in love with you. People may thought , I'm too obsessed but they wouldn't know why.
You can have thousands of girls outside, Like what You said, to find its easy to find true love being given is hard & i sense that,
A cheap bitch. Oh damn, com'on , fling around ? Haha. Find someone better instead.
Like seriously , sucha low class bitch-___-' Pathetic.

oh, not to forget, This will plays around with you once again. Trust me.
& I believed, it wouldnt be long. You're just someone who doesnt appreciate what You have given.
I ought to make the right choice this evening.
& i will choose wisely.

SHATTERED.

I miss my crib, I miss posting my blog, I miss facebook-ing& I miss see-ing him. Damn, what will be the conclusion? Will it end just like that? I felt so heartbroken. Impossible for me to accept the facts, eventhough I'm learning too. Deep down, I'm lying. Babyboy, why must you make this a big issue for us? You wanted to be fair to him, Both of you, wouldnt get to be with me. Was it fair? I felt unfair. I don't want this to happen. You know, jolly well that deep down, there's only you but why are you dragging things? It wouldnt be easy for me to move on. I left you, You kept a distance away, We're drifting and you made a reason of this one pathetic guy, which I don't ever wish to be with along my journey. I don't need him. I don't wish to be with anyone. You took away my breathe, You made me suffocated with me searching& holding back. Why love? How long will it be?

I just need you, the moments we had shared all this while. It was just a broken trust& broken heart that i'm going through.You said, You love me, but someone stopping. If you love me, we both could eventually fight for our love rights.

We just had to be strong. That's what you always told me but why are you acting this way? Everyone knew, how meaningful you are to me. Haishh. It's too impossible for me to be with other guys. It can never happen.

You used to left me, but I kept silence, whenever we met during our past, but why when you came back, its repeating?

You would don't bother about what others say? Its just too damn heartful for me. We're going three years, and you wanted it to end. Baby, why ? Please, put aside your egoistic. I just need you.

You changed because of me leaving you, I changed too. I wasnt me, I wasnt the one I'm supposed to be.

But why, you didnt get that right? We both need eachother. Come' on,

Let's just meet , its miserable for me.

I miss you so much.

I do still love you,

I'm updating a post which I really wish to let out what I feel. Without furtheradue, I would like to apology if I do had some harsh words thats gonna hurt anyone feelings down here. I'm just stating from my point of view. I've been reflecting everything by myself. Eventhough, i know i was deep down hurt here, still I got to be strong. You see, I felt that I aint understanding during my past, but I've learnt from it.
Cause, whatever it gonna happen, now or later, I can't take things for granted.

Babyb; I just wanna tell you. I know, i used to neglected how you feel and you felt over-protected by me. I'm trying to losen every single thing here. I'm doing my best, cause as I know, Jeolousy wouldn't bring me anywhere in this state. I felt like, I may never love again by you. i realised that things had becoming more chaos but in silence. No one, will understand what individual feelings & thoughts, am i right ? I ain't perfect too, right here.
I wanted to bring myself , a better future with you but I can't force you to flow every single steps of mine. I know, that for sure.
I know, you're in perplexed situation. You don't wish to hurt me, you don't wish to hurt her. I know, you know who I'm reffering too.
Eventhough, sometimes I felt as though, I'm being left out by you, but i know, you are having a greatest problem in your life but you don't wish to share it with me. Babyb, I know that you jolly know well , that you mean everything for me. I wanted to be someone who you can share & lean on. I wanted to be your bestfriend too but you ain't gonna give me that chance.
I may not know, what you feel deep down about me. What I did during my past, Was totally an heartache as well as headache for you. I cause you so much trouble & I really wanna apology to you , once again. I don't mean too.

Right here, there's alot of things that I got to let out, cause I felt no point asking advises from others, still I would only listen to myself. Yes, there's always someone who I can lean on, but I don't wish to depend only on him/ her.
I know, every single one, had that own problems to solve and I can't expect to give me 100% attention. So now, I lead to my ownself, thinking & reflecting. I study too much things right here.

To one of this lovely girl ; I know you felt in pain. I know, you're trying to hide your feelings away from me but still, I'm a girl , I can know the way you reacted & talked to me on the phone most of the time. Yes, I can be nice to you, I can be a new girlfriend to you eventhough I don't know, where you come from, what you used to be. I don't care about what you are. It doesn't even matter to me. Nevertheless, now, I discovered something in you. I know, how you feel. I can't force him, to love you nor did I can make that choice for him. I don't wish to fight with you over him. Its just too pointless. Whatever the outcomes, may be I would have to accept it, whether it's gonna leave a scar to me & make me heartbroken.
You love him , so much don't you ? It's okay to me, if you wanna tell me the truth cause, Everyone have their rights to have this feelings. Yes, to be honest, it really pains me deep down, But what shall i say ? I ought to be strong , eventhough the truth is , I can't. I'm forcing myself.

& to this two young boys ; who used to be a close friend to me. I kept thinking, why must you both had feelings for me whereby , I'm just being close to have a listening ear, & to ask opinion about what guy's thoughts & feelings. I never wanted to play heart games with you people but i've told you straight to both of your face, I'm deliberately in love not with you both but only one guy.
& most probably, its gonna hurt you both. I know, but i just can't make it through. I've used to have this thoughts of moving on with my life, but never did i thought of moving on with other guys. I can't easily fall in love with you people, & even if how long it may take you both to wait, I don't need that. I don't have any intention to be with you both.
As, i've stated clearly to both of you. I appreciate your thoughts but not the love that you thought you could share with me.

Eventhough, I cried million tears, but no one will understand that it's killing me. I'm taking step by step. I'm willing to wait for him.
Yes, it was true . It's my mistake for leaving but I never have the thoughts of hurting you people. I don't wanna give hopes to anyone. I can't make it through. I'm too perplexed. I shared alot of things, with him & It can never be easy to replace him with others. I'm too fear now, too fear to face everything.

I just hope, one day you both would hate me, cause I never wish to put hopes in between you both. Friendship is just a friendship to me. I 'm willing to lose a friend like both of you , cause I don't want anymore misunderstanding. All this while, I kept silence, in pain and I know, Babyb too. He may be egoistic but at the same time, he's a nice guy. I believed just one thing, everything happen for a reason. I can't blame them.

I never ever wanted to replace him to anyone. I never ever wanted to play heart games to anyone. & everywhere I go, his on my mind. It can never be easy . Eventhough, I would crave a smile & laugh out loud like the world is mine, still I'm crying deep down. I did, my best to understand you & make things right between us, but do you ever wanna give me a chance. love ?
Haish . I wish, one day everything would be reveal. I'm too sincere in loving you. I never take you for granted. I don't care , what you used to be , in your past. What you eventually gonna turn out in the future, Cause to me, I'm loving you just cause of you.

Babyb, would be asking why , I'm holding back waiting for him, its not about how long we both treasure eachother, Its because of the things we shared & I love him, cause of him. Each and every person had its own speciality in their own ways.
So yeaaaaaaaap, All you ought to know is, I'm loving you for who you are. Whatever happen, eventhough, You're disable in the future, I would not gonna run away abandoning you behind, Still I will stay put with you. Hold on to this words. I'll promise you.
& I'm not gonna make you feel dissapointed anymore but If you have to go, leaving me, I will learnt to accept that.
Eventhough, deep down, its gonna shattered my heart alot.

I'm sorry, for hurting you people. I'm sorry that I reacted this way, I just need to let go , what I eventually been keeping deep down inside here.

Hieeeee Everyone,I'm Apiz,Adyknyer Baby ;'')..Sooo That Pemalas Pey Baby Nanak Blog,So She Asked Me To Blog For Her,Hahaha...So I'll Share With You Some Stories And Memories We Had Together...

First Of All,Baby Loves Raikhan Alot,She Keeps Talking About Him You Know,Thats Okay But 24/7 Raikhan,Wow,Did'nt Know Someone Could Talk That Much Bout A Person..HAHAHA...Kay,so Theres This Irritating Person That Is Crazy For My Kakak,I Shall Not Put His Name Here As I Just Don't Feel Like It...His Like Fucking Irritating You Know,He Keeps Pesturing My Kakak,And Will Forever Try To Be With Her,Come On La,People Get Tired Of Seeing Your Fucking Face...

This guy as I'm talking about,is fucking irritating,he does'nt even let me be close with baby you know,but I'm forced to listen to him as he was my leader once...But now he's not,I'm glad to officially announce it:)...As I was saying,he controls baby too much,what to wear,where to go,even people who stare at baby he will get angry and find fault with the guy..If you can't stare,why don't you sit at a blind folks home,isn't that much better?No one could stare at you cause they're all blind arse...Gawd am I so angry with him,he's even angry at me for not finding fault with the same guy...

Theres this incident once,where we were riding,Baby,me,my brother,this fucker and a betrayer...Woww,my brother did'nt mean to brake all of a sudden,and he accidentally banged into baby,she fell and tore her leg abit,wooow that fucker wanted to break my brothers face just because of that,come on la,accidents happen right?It's all fate,if he's not prepared for this,why should he bring baby out to riding?Am I right?He's like an idiot,well he is an idiot apparently...Hahaha..I shan't say no more,however,I'm truly glad that baby chose to stick with Raikhan as I see him as a nice guy:)...Baby also is MIA-ing from that fucker,I'm truly glad and happy for her,I myself do whatever in all means to not see his fucking face..His face like piggy sia-_-,the disgusting type,not the nice ones,haha:)...Hey there are nice piggy's u know,like me and my gf...HAHAHA

Apparently,I'm quite sad to see baby in this state,she's changed a lot thanks to that fucker,how I wished I could break his face,sadly,I can't as he will cheat...And besides,I'm too young..Gawd how I wished I could be stronger,I'm too young now-_-...One day,you will see,I'll beat the fuck out of you...I'm small,but my fists could make you fall biatch;'')...Heeey,you don't know me boy,your fighting a war you can never win;')...Ouh,kakak,I wish to see you return to the old you,I want the old you back,I know you can change back into the way you were,we all know you can<3...

Finally,I choose to end my bloggy with a few words..Spammers get a fucking life la eh chibai bo lanjiao ah?Spamming got whaat you tell me?Buto sama lu uh anjing,lu cakap apa?Kakak wa lu negok le muntah?Ehh check2 muka lu yang pecah macam anjing pey lanjiao,ehh alaamak sorry uh,aku terjudge appearence kauu,takper la,kite semue tau maah muke lu pecah,ehh lu tak puas ati,lai nan wa la,lu takkan menang ni perang uh beb..Lu nak daiji sama kakak wa,,lu daiji sama wa dulu..Wa kasi besar pey daiji sama lu,biar lu pey puki wa cucuk barbie doll pey kepale pat dalam,biar lu takle uat anak agi,sibut lu diam2 sua beb..Lu mana pey bsr eh?Wa tk goyang,wa tkkn goyang:)..Igt eh,ni Boi Snake uh eh,lu igt nama wa saja..Lu igt...

Thanks to all who's reading this!Hahaha!Tc guys,do read again;'')

Labels: Memories...

Time check in at : 648am

Just finished blog-ging for Raikhan & changing blogskins for him.

I'm still awake as I just can't put myself in bed.

My mind is thinking about something.

I just don't know, what's gonna happen next but I know , i cant elaborate much here.

I just don't feel like sharing my thoughts & feelings now.

All, i will only share with you , earthlings was about yesterday.

I was out with Raikhan for Hari raya & it was unbelievable for me that everyone excepted you.

Yes, i'm glad to see the reactions from them :))

I'm thinking about something actually , lately.

My mind being disturb with all those stuffs. I just simply doing my best to avoid that.

Aniiway, cut it short cause I'm sleepy.

I wanted to thank Raikhan , cause his willing to grant my last wish.

& i'm happy to spent my day out with you , yesterday night:))

do takecare of yourself okayokays ?

CintaAmiRaikhan ^^V''
I'm posting about our chapter of love right here.

Time check in at : 730am.

Still i'm awake and I cant put myself in bed.

Just finished posting one of AmiRaikhan's Fans blog :)

It wouldnt be shocking for me when someone wanted us to get back as one again. I'm hoping for the same things to happen too. I miss this moment, this photo above { lookup ^^ } * Really reminds me the memories that we shared during we both shared our moments together. Who say I don't miss all those times, I had with him ? Haishh. I just wish the bed havent had the replacement . If it do , it really gonna saddens me cause I wouldnt allowed anyone to eventually slept at my bed. It still meant for only Raikhan. Like sumpah ! :)

Yes, we both had become much more closer , and I hope , his not giving me a fake hope down here.

Haishh , if he do , I swear to you , I'm just too speechless. I chatted with him at Facebook while on the phone with him , & eventually posting at eachother walls . I never expected that it will turn out this way. I'm just following the flow. I really miss him & I miss the way he cuddle me . I miss his armpit 's smell.

Love, do you still loves me ? I'm still holding back for you. I'm not sure how things will end up to be.

I wish if we're given a chance to be together . All i wish , Tuhan will grant me this wishlists of mine when I'm with you. I don't want it to end another time. I wanted to sit & share this to you , but i sense there isnt any time for you & me . So i guess, you would be reading my blog , so here i'm updating what I ever wanted.

Love, what I ever wanted from you was sincerity & honesty from you. I wish you wouldnt take me from granted. I don't wish to see us both drifting once again. Yes, I used to eventually lose trust on you , but I just hate it when you lied to me. Must most of our stories ended up lots of lies ?

I don't want you to lie to me anymore.

#1 : I don't want any lies from you cause I don't wish anymore misunderstanding between us.

I just wish we both would be having a proffessional love life. You see, when the break up occurs , I discovered that, we both need time to enjoy with friends, and We should give some space to both of us.

That was the point , when we both miscommunicate. Its all because of not trusting eachother.

You wanted freedom from you , but i can't eventually give that in the past . Like you see,

Friends are always there for us, and sometimes we do need friends to surround us.

#2 : We neglected eachother. We never wanted to talk things out & just jump into conclusion & you never wanted to compromised with me. All because, You're afraid if I get mad in anything you do.

Babylove, you know if you kept lying & keeping and there's no point for us. What for we 're in a relationship?

Relationship is also a Friendship. Eventhough, we're in a relationship , we can still be bestfriends to eachother.

You see, the facts tak ? We can share things together , sometimes its true , if there's something gonna hurt us but then, Its better to reveal it , why ? Cause, its better to know then getting hurt at the end of the day .

#3 : I wanted sincerity in you to love me. It doesnt matters if you're contacting girls , girls bitching around with you , but in order you should know that you have your own limits in doing that . By then, it wouldnt be a problem. If she flirts , you flirts , what will it ended up to be ?

#4 : Keeping silence, wouldnt make things better my dear , love.

#5 : Forget the past , & move on for the better future. Sometimes, yes the past hurts the most but how long will it gonna be if you keep holding back ? Reflections needed here.

#6 : Be strong to face it , every obstacles that had been given will have its solutions & we both got to solve it together. I just wish you wouldnt think shortly. God always gives us the obstacles which we can handle it.

#7 : Much more responsible in everything you & me did. We may fear the things that we've had done , but we got to be strong , love.

#8 : Overall , what I can say is : I dont need the past , I just need you to grant me this wishes.

I wanted the best in our relationship. I wanted to start afresh and I wanted us both become much more proffessional in love & don't neglected eachother. Lying brings no where. Eventhough the truth hurts, its better to be reveal. All, we got to do is trust , sincerity in loving & honesty.

Love, if all this you would grant for me , i'll promise that i would be having a better relationship with you in the future. Believe me ?

We both need fair and square. Compromising is the best way.

Explaination needed whenever some things happen.

Things happen for a reason.

I gain experience after this broke up that I had with you.

I love you , now till eternity love <3

p/s : Raikhan , sit and reflect . Am i right with this post ?

i'm currently on the phone with { kekasih lama ;} , oh i miss his voice & i miss him . When , can I meet him ? Like again ? Hmms ! I wish his presence here. Haishh . Do you miss me ?
i wish you would eventually know, how much you mean to me. Do you ever knew ?

How's day going on after this ? i just dont know , what will happen .

when , i listened to Sepasang Baju kurung Biru , which he dedicated to me , it really reminds me of him.

I wish , one day of this hari raya , he would be going out with me.

hmms , can you grant that wish ? The last wish that I wish for ?

Oh , damn ! I miss you.

actually , i'm jeolous whenever a girl eventually flirts with you , but i cant say anything .

i'm no longer yours & ive to eventually accept the facts .

if she really loves you , & wanted to be with you , i just got to be strong to face it .

like i said , i cant force you to love me again , like before .

but that doesnt mean that my love for you had faded away , it still standing strong right here .

oh, sayang . can you please come back , i yearn for you )':

i love you so much , till now i had no replacement .

i'm done posting here .

nights .

Its 6:04pm. I just woke up & daily routine, check my phone first.
Eventually, i was shocked when I saw two missed calls & one messages " KEKASIH LAMA TERSAYANG".
Hahahaha! It was damn shocking, I rubbed my eyes, over & over again.
He told me to call him up, and I called him & heard some news, without my knowledge about them texting him -.-'' ! I've been wondering, how on earth they get his number. I was pissed off after i heard that. I called up Kid, & told him, I wanted to meet him. In 10 mins time, he was under my void -deck.
I was totally pissed off with him , instead I dont wish to talk to him anymore.

Too many things had become complicated. I hate myself. I hate the way things had reacted to be.
I dont wish to blame Raikhan for it. Sumpah, I wasnt in any doubts with him anymore.
Yes, I still love him, but that doesnt mean, minor things, I've to make it become worst, right ?

Ayumie Baybe, chatted with me. Let me explain right here, clearly.
I swear that the post she posted out, I didnt have any grudges or jeolousy towards that post.
Somehow, i just posted to let out what i feel.
Its true that, Ive said she wouldnt lose him again.
Ofcourse, as a friend. She loves adeq much more, { a friendship }, why must I reacted in a harsh way ?
am i right ? Cause, what my intention was, I know Raikhan also loves her as a friend.
He would have alot of girlfriends, but the lucky girl, is the one that he gonna loves the most eventhough, he dont know how to show it to her.
Ayumie, takmu worried la dear, I wouldnt have any grudges on you((:
Do trust me, please.

Hmm . As for now, I just wanted to say ,
people may thought im moving on , but the facts is , i'm still holding back.
I do still love him, & i just have to wait for the moment, when he said,
he wanted me back , & once again, we both lead a better future.
But the choices is all by him.
Okays, im done updating .

Time check in at : 6:35am.
my cigar finish alrd. pity me )':
now, currently texting with Raikhan & listening to : You are my everything - Lexington Bridge.
Oh, damn! My stomach so the very cramp yknow-.-''!

Hmm, lately i've not been updating cause, I'm too lazy to update what I feel nowadays.
I don't want take things for granted, & i cant force myself to hate him cause afterall, I'm just lying to myself & I hurt myself too. what i can eventually was just stay strong , calm down.

& basically, the day, i seek for his forgiveness at 5:50am, i felt my heart shattered. I wanted to cry , but i hold on to it, never wish to let it fall. Afterall, before I could walked away, I told him, I needed a hug, & he gave me . At first, he insist it, but afterall, hugging him & i off home.

It really pains me down, but what more should i do?
& randomly, nowadays, he kept saying ILOVEYOU, which I wasnt sure, was it really to me.
His post, " love u , miss u ".
First came across my mind, that most probably he had a new girl.
& i guess, i should respect that. I chatted with him, asking him eventhough it throw a big impact to me but still, i cant do much. So, he told me , i knew her too well.
Hopefully, he would love her & treasure her. Insyallah.

` somehow, sometimes the one that we love, will abandoned us alone& search for their own happiness.''

I was down till now , too many things had eventually strikes me . I felt the boredom in life ever since , I was too over-reacted with myself. Its my life , but what I want things to eventually turn out was to have happiness in me.

I was too heartbroken with everything. I tried to make things right for myself , but there's still some failure in me.

I felt that , my life was being too over - protected with Mom . I tried to convince her , what I eventually wanted .

What I eventually needed. All i need is my own life that I can lead. As far now, I'm leading to a better future ahead but it brings me down , whenever Mom keeps blaming me of leaving Raikhan and she controlled me , whenever I mixed around with others. Whereby , actually she was the one who once told me , to think twice and make it over . When , i've made it over, She put the blame on me. I know, she wanted the best for me ,

but have she ever thought that by doing this , it will throw a big impact on me ? And i lead to a life , which was being arranged by her ? Have she ever thought of that ? i dont wish things to happen in that way . At the end of the day , i'm the one at the losing point. I tried to make an effort to change , to become someone better , but she took it , as if I wanted to destroy every single chapter of my life.

Why must things ended up in this way ? Can't I be happy ? I wanted to break down , but there isnt any more tears in me. I used to make a big mistake , but who on earth didnt make any big mistakes in their life ? Even you , Mom . Did a huge mistakes.

If you keep controlling and arranging me , with a guy which I dont find happiness with , no point of me living .

Its not me , who gonna have happpiness , & you'll see that i will regret at the end of the end & things turn out worst. I tried to be nice, I tried not to be rude to you & treat you with respect but when I tried too , you never even give me a chance too. Deep down in my heart , I'm in pain . I'm hurt . I kept silence lately .

Dont know , who to share it with . Friends ? Must it be friends ?

I always wish that you would be a mother , bestfriend , someone who i can lean on , but i was wrong .

You wasnt even thinking about my feelings. You never understand how I feel.
I know, i mixed around with all sorts of people , having body arts all over , but why must you judge that ?

Why ? Must it be having tatoos means that the person was so damn fucking bad.

What if a person judge you ? You was so arrogant towards everyone. I respect that , when you wanted the best for me , but have you ever know ?

Hey ! Come on , doesnt mean I'm close to any guys , means I'm theirs or falling in love with them , even if they do , still my heart shattered . I'm heartbroken , I still love my previous ex. & that wouldnt be as simple as ABC to let him go just like that . I'm standing strong here, in order to find happiness and search for a better life in the future & you're there accussing me about him & Raikhan -.-''

Please, dont get it wrong . I'm just close to him . He's just a friend to me.

& I eventually hope you people would respect that.

I received new messages , telling me about Raikhan .
Come ' on , stop adding on the fire. I had enough ,

Arent you still satisfied yet , when I've broke up with him ?

What more , do you people want ?

Haishh ! I'm sick and tired already with my life.

Keeps vomitting lately , I'm not feeling well on this first day of hari raya.
I woke up at 1130am today , and I eventually had no mood .
The first thing , I ever think of when I open up my eyes was Papa & Raikhan.
I don't know , why must I keep thinking of Raikhan , eventhough I'm the one letting him go.
Most probably , because I miss him But when , I eventually hugged his pillow once again ,
i felt he was near to me , cause the smell is still there. I had no mood today .
I simply don't know why, Wokeup , ate Lontong and went down to buy ciggarettes & topup-card.
Off home, & get ready need to go Yishun to Paksu ' s crib. I was the one who always ended up dressing late.
So , yea. Everyone waited for me. Afterall, we thought of seeking forgiveness from Mummy first before leaving the house, but she was so pathetic enough which brings my mood down. So, we went off home , without even seeking forgiveness from Mummy. Waited for the cab , and had some quarrellings with Mummy &Abang Bai was so fucking pissed off and I just kept silence. I ignored cause I'm sick and tired to quarrel with Mummy.
Ended up , reached there & talked with Grandma. She was fucking irritating , keep on nagging / lecturing me.
Mummy complains to them about me & Raikhan . Haishh . I simply , don't know , whats happening now.
Everyone keep on asking Raikhan 's presence but what can I do ? I texted him & told him that my family wanted to meet him. Afterall , we headed to Tampines to my step-grandma house and we headed to my step - grandpa house & off to Bedok once again to Meet Nonyang. HAHAHA! Met up with my step-cousins.
Snapping pictures, was having fun & Last headed to Nenek Anjang 's crib & off home.
Now, i'm getting ready to meet Kid & Santeo (: Huhu ! ^^V the day was awesome.
Pissing off , was just for a moment.

Specially for PAPA NIZAM .

Seperti tahun - tahun yang lepas, Papa tak da untuk menyambut hari bahagia ini. Adik amat merindui Papa. Mengharapkan kehadiran mu disisi tahun depan. Semoga, Papa akan memaafkan kesilapan adik , jikalau selama ini, adik ada menyinggung perasaan Papa tanpa adik sedari. Adik harap Papa akan mengampunkan adik. Halalkan makan minum adik selama ini.

Airmata mengalir tanpa mu disisi. Sumpah , papa. Tanpa papa, hari raya tidak gemilang.

Memang adik akan bersenyum simpul tetapi tiada sesiapa yang akan faham perasaan adik.

Hanya satu yang adik ingin kan dalam hidup ini, di saat - saat bahagia seperti gini,

untuk kehadiran Papa.

Semoga tahun depan , kita akan bertemu kays ? Untuk menyambut hari raya bersama.

Sekali lagi , adik ingin meminta maaf kepada Papa dari hujung kepala ke hujung kaki.

Ikhlas, dari Anakmu ;

Amira.

Kerana , besok BabyPuteriy tau yang BabyPuteriy tak dapat update blog ini ,

So, BabyPuteriy buat ini for advance kays ? (:

BabyPuteriySweets ; Amira ingin mengucapkan Selamat hari Raya Kepada teman - teman dan terutama kali kepada sedara - mara BabyPuteriy.

Semoga akan memaafkan segala kesilapan baik yang buruk ataupon yang terlalu buruk .

Halalkan makan minum BabyPuteriy selama BabyPuteriy bersama korang.

Jikalau BabyPuteriy pernah menyinggung perasaan semua , moga - moga akan memaafkan okays ? (:

Tuh je , yang BabyPuteriy nak post ! * smile wide wide *

Bertemu di Geylang , kays ?
Selamat Hari Raya.

currently smoking , just finished painting & cleaning up my room . Changing everything (: wow ! It was so damn awesome . Round of applause to Kid & Santeo. Apiz wasnt around , his meeting Lucy today . No disturbens !
haha! Awwww, Kid went home to pick up calls & come back once again to help me fix up my curtains . HAHAA! Afterall , will be heading to Apiz's Crib to make henna on Mummy's hand.
Tomorrow, would be heading to Geylang eventhough it was packed but I'm going there with my friends.
Heheeeee* Kid tagging along , and the rest of them too.
I cant wait to meet my old friends once again , { hey babiessss ! I'm coming ! }
Everyone was so damn happy that I decided to made the choice of leaving , and brighten up my life.
will be busy , preparing stuffs for school next year . Kid's paying for my school fees. He really want to see me succeed in future. I will study hard and not let anyone let me down , once again. Hopefully , things would be alright next year . Alhamdullilah . Papa is out too ! * smile wide wide + jumping *

I received calls from someone, haha! Was so damn shocked , how he eventually get my new number whereby actually I dont pass around my number. He was glad that I'm leading to a great life now, & i should have listen to him in the past. I miss him ~ Oh, ya. We will meet soon love <3

Okay, done with updating . Awhile more, would be having my showering time.

Simple as A B C / 1 2 3 .

Love faded & things came into place .

i'm having a greatful life now full of happiness.

AWESOMEEE!

I'm at Apiz's crib now along with Santeo & Kid like everyday routine . Every night out riding.
Today, Daddy came down my crib & buka with Mummy & me. Wow! The day was awesome.
Daddy told me to dye black once again , but I deny & end up I still with my Gold colour hair * jumping happily*
Things had went on smoothly & i felt it was so damn great . I guess, we would be going riding after this .
As kid had agreed & the rest repairing their bike. Me too ! Soon (: Yup, I'm gonna spray that colour .
Tomorrow, Kid , Santeo and maybe Apiz would be eventually helping me out with renovating my stupid old room -.- Throwing some stuffs & gonna keep all those memories inside the stupid store -.- HAHAHA!
No point, looking at it anymore. Just now, they went out to Geylang & i didnt tagged along. Basketball -.-
but its okay, would be going there most probably thursday night to grab new stuffs for myself with Daddy & Kid tagging along. Oh my ! It gonna be worst -.- haha ! kalau korang nampak , tegur takmu stare. Gonna be a big issue for Kid. I swear (: For now, i enjoying my fabulous and precious moments with the rest of my Marsiling's friends. Tomorrow, Mummy would be bringing me to report my lost NRIC to get a new one & Kid is tagging along to buy new paint for my room . At night , would be at Apiz's crib like every night (: spending awesome times with the rest of them . I miss Adequdut ): Bhy , meet soon !
My pocket money had been in place now & i felt so damn great . Mummy had given me green light after the explaination . Thanks mum !

I HAD ERASE HIM BIT BY BIT FROM MY MIND & I HOPE I WOULD BE STRONG ENOUGH.

Yknow, i felt that the pains is really over now, and after i've read his post , i felt its time for us both to really let him go. He was right in place leading with his life ahead. I'm glad of that (: Like i said, he would only feel the pain for only one day . What for should i bother more ? Am i right ?

I cant wait to get back to school once again ! haha! It would be awesome but it would abit hard for me,

cause I'm gonna lead an over-protective life now (: haha! But, its okay.

That's how things should be going on.

I should have listen to all my cousins, parents & friends in the past. Nevermind, I've become a little too bit strong to handle stuffs on my own. He said, what he wish too.

Oh yea, not to forget someone said that Kid's kental & berok -.- Oh damn , kental ? Awwww, try then.

See how, it gonna be (: One punch being hitted , mampos kau ! * smile wide wide * ,
Cause your body very the Sekeping , Niway bro , cukop kan art kau dulu . Simple punya bobal (:

heheeeeeeee* Let's see how it goes,

If you feel like playing sufferings towards me & my family , oh dear, You're damn wrong.

See how far will it go bro. Takecare je kays ? (:

I went out yesterday night at around 1am , took cab and went off to karaoke at Beauty World Center with my new friends . It was so damn awesome. Kid was so worried about me, he called up Ezam and told Ezam to take good care and Ezam promised not to let anyone hold a grib on me & i learnt to trust him . Things had went on, smoothly & i am okay leading my own life now . Hopefully , things would be alright in the future. Yesterday , strikes 12 midnight & i cant forget about the date. I'm here to wish you , Happy anniversary My Ex- AdeqkRaikhan. Things had been in place now, I'm sorry but i guess, you're leading a better life ahead. I'm happy for you (: After karaoke, I went to catch up with my late dinner & off taking cab once again home & Kid fetch me , under Apiz's block & we went slacking. Awesomeeeeeeeee !* smiles* Kid, was so afraid if there's anything that's happening to me, but he was wrong indeed , i was safe & secure by Ezam.

At around, 1230pm, I'm home once again, like usual , Santeo & Kid sent me back home. Afterall, I need to tidy up my room as Hari Raya is coming soon in a few days time.

I cant wait for Papa's return (: It would be great. Kid had promised papa to take good care of me, & never let anyone lay a single hand on me. I was touched with kid promises & reactions. For now, still I love him & I couldnt erase him from my mind. Yesterday post , was sucha egoistic for me. Haishh .

But what can I say ? Today, thought of meeting him up , but i couldnt make it through. I cant face him.

It was hard for me, I wanted to let him really go cause I know, I'm making him suffer with me.

A full of shits&burdens. We both couldnt compromise, what for , we can be together ?

Right ? But, its okay. If , one day we're meant to be together,
Insyallah , it will come into place. Amin ! * smile wide wide *

Oh yea, on 25th this month , I would be going to Keluaran Priggondani (: Ofcourse coming down with Kid, cause all of them , wanted kid to tagged along. haha! I miss all of them . If i was still in kuda kepang , i would have perform on that day , kid too . But we both went out, see how it goes on that day .

Meet soon , ita ! I also miss you babe(:

Eyya, i hope you doing well now. Everything gonna be smooth , you just have to endure with every single things happening in your life. Oh yea, I enjoyed my day & Life (: Dont worry much ,

This is the life , that I want to lead . I dont wish to feel like a cage (:
Awhile more, calling Kid about my baju raya .

I wanted him to go for alteration. haha!

Just a simple line for you ;

I walked away from your life , with no one telling me to do so except my heart .

It seems to end up , no where.

I've made up my mind, & i'm okay with it.

Takecare ! (:

I'm pissing off with this kind of earthlings -.- Swear to god! Oh my, what the fuck =/=.

today, the day its really over. we didnt meet up, due to some excuses ive given & i thought of confronting him at night whereby, he was so over - egoistic.

CONFESSION.

this moments, my love for him was never still there,

it pains me down, with his words & what he did.

this is the karma. he kept, saying he wanted a broke up,

like i used to say,

once my heart was hard to be mend, & i've made a step to move on,

i wouldnt return once again into his chapter of life.

I'm now, well enough being treated without him.

I'm happy leading to my new life.

I left a big impact in this relationship.

i never knew how to handle this relationship, so no point for me to stay on.

He told one of his bestfriend,

he dont wish to be with me & lead a happy ending,

why bother to stay ?

am i right ?

its well of to move on, with my own life.

I'll make sure that, i'm gonna live a life , which is happy living ever after.

i'll prove it , at the end of the day.

you are worth nothing in my life, get that ?

all this while, had been a journey of sufferings.

& to those who kept siding him,

be his girl, see how long you can stay on.

but hopefully, one day, he would get one.

i dont mind,

i'm not the one for him.

Cause, no point living with an earthling who wasnt worth to be treated well & he was an unappreciated ass ! =/= swear man !

So, stop asking me thousands of questions !

Meet me up, lets see how it goes.

I wanted to confront you right infront of your fucking cute little face -.- !

You damn ass !

siapa kata , aku tak sayang ? Siapa kata , aku tak kesah ? Siapa kata , aku nak alihkan perasaan sayang aku kepada orang lain ? Korang boleh cakap sesuka hati korang tetapi soalan yang nie semua hanya aku sahaja yang tau . Senang korang kata dalam dunia nie, ada banyak pompan eh sis ? Senangnya dia alihkan perasaan sayang dia pat orang lain ? tak sangka kan .
hmms . Memang , aku yang tukar segala status tuh semua tapi pernah tak korang tau , kenapa ?
Like what others said , dalam dunia nie takda yang takda alasan buat satu benda tuh. Its all happens for a reason. I still love him , till now deep down but I cant be like before. I was beyond control myself. I was lost in my own world. It can never be easy for me to let go , two years plus relationship like that , but what can i say ? I walked away just like that eventhough i was actually in pain . i cried every night thinking , but do you know ? I dont know , why i changed into this way .
I was so damn heartbroken still , & you didnt yet mend it back once again. Do you love me ?
Do you really want me in your life ? What does your loves means ? It was so damn simple to say that you love me but do you ever mean it ? We 're drifting apart .
Every 6th without failed , we would be together & spend the night telling old folks stories about our love chapter. I still remember all those. You dont feel happy with me , why do you bother being with me ? I hurt you numerous times. I neglected you & dont even make an effort to change this relationship into a better living , am i right ? Yknow, all this while , what i ever wanted from you was : Your sincerity in loving me. I miss you , i miss your embrace , your voice. Who says i dont miss all that ? it comes to the end now, but still , my heart belongs to you.

I did this cause of the past , do you know? I end this cause of your reactions, harsh words & still remembering how you told me not to be with you , once again.

raikhan , myra sayang kan raikhan . Tak pernah terlintas difikiran myra nak lepaskan raikhan . Tetapi hari ini , myra mengambil keputusan yang terburu - buru tanpa berbicara dengan raikhan.
Myra tau , ini silap myra . Myra maseh teringat kata-kata raikhan ,
yang raikhan kata , myra bohsia, myra bukan untuk raikhan. setelah , myra dengar darie seseorang yang raikhan tak nak memperisterikan myra , apa yang harus myra buat ?
ini keputusan raikhan dan myra yang harus menarik diri walaupon sebetul-betulnya , hati myra sakit seperti tercucuk dengan pisau. Segala impian myra hancur bila myra dapat berita ini.
Tapi, untuk kebahagiaan raikhan , walaupon hati myra sakit sangat , myra rela lepaskan raikhan. Raikhan cuma harus ingat , myra maseh sayang kan raikhan.
Myra kalau boleh tak nak ini berakhir tapi Raikhan yang minta jugak. Maafkan myra , raikhan.
Sesungguhnya , bukan niat myra untuk sakit kan hati raikhan .

Itu darie lumbuk hati myra . Takda siapa -siapa yang mampu mengambil alih tempat raikhan sampai sekarang . Myra tak dapat melupakan raikhan jugak. Bukan senang -wenang untuk myra membuat keputusan ini. Hanya tuhan sahaja yang tahu , betapa sayangnya myra terhadap diri raikhan. Myra akui , memang ada lelaki menyintai myra dan dapat memberi myra apa ada nya tetapi tetap hati myra tidak dapat menerimanya. Perasaan sayang myra hanya raikhan yang memiliki.

Myra pernah impikan untuk bersama raikhan sehingga akhir hayat myra . Ini bukan kata - kata manis hanya sementara , tetapi sumpah demi allah , ini adalah darie lumbuk hati kecil myra ini
Sesungguhnya , myra nak raikhan tau , selama ini myra hanya inginkan senyuman dan tertawa darie raikhan tapie myra tau myra tak dapat memberi itu semua kepada raikhan..

Sumpah, myra inginkan kebahagiaan darie raikhan. Myra sayangkan raikhan seperti myra sayangkan nyawa myra sendiri. Sehingga kini , Myra maseh teringat kan Raikhan.
Kehadiran Raikhan selama ini , membuat kan myra bahagia walaupon ada kalanya , hati myra sakit dengan kelakuaan Raikhan.
Myra, hanya mampu kata kan kepada Raikhan , Myra amat menyayangi raikhan sehingga sekarang. Myra berubah tanpa myra sedari , dan myra tidak sangka ini berlaku .

`Oh Tuhan ku sayang dia

Oh Tuhan ku rindu dia

Dimanakah hilangnya

Dirinya yang bernama Cinta

Sungguh bukan perpisahan kumahu

sungguh tak bermaya diriku

disaat aku disingkirkan oleh dirimu

Apa yang harusku perkatakan

Kiniku telah dilupakan

Mungkinkah ini bisa membuat kau bahagia

Ohh..

Dimanakah kesilapan diriku

Cubalah kau terangi padaku

Agar bisa dapatku mengerti

Puncanya perpisahan ini

Kau senyum ku menangis

Kau gembira ku berduka

Mengapakah tiada adilnya

Dalam bercinta

Sedangkan aku telah berjanji

Ku akan setia menanti

Temani dirimu

Dikala sepi dikala kau sedih

Ku doakan dia terus bahagia

Bersama insan yang dicinta

Andainya tidak pernah kuhidup dihatinya

Kini semua sudah tiada lagi

Senyuman yang terukir dibibir

Semenjak telah terjadi

Perpisahan.

Perpisahan ini.

dilumbuk hati myra , ini la sebenarnya kata - kata yang ingin myra luahkan perasaan kepada raikhan. Sekali lagi , Maafkan myra , RAIKHAN.

I dont feel nice, i dont feel great. Okayokays, since its your choice to do, whatever you like,
wowwww ! Me too. Not to forget, that the moments, that my family members called you down, you've made an excuse that you cant be out late night. Awesome ! :)
& i sense that, you're just lying. Its up to you. I had enough la.
You dont seems to care, so why do i ? No point , betol tak ?
I guess, its up to you now.
Takecare ! :)
Happy enjoying your life.

Cinta'BabyPuteriy Sweets |Amira
♥ 22493 | Legal 18
One&Only daughter
Friendly, Stubborn, Rebellious&Arrogant
You know my name,NOTmy story.
Black, White&Hot pink is my sexist colour♥

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Designer : ThePoisonkiss.
Basecode : Chili.
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